"Serving God's Word On Saving Your Marriage"

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"Like Moses, you have been called out of the wilderness, for you know who your Father in Heaven is. I am the Lord God of Israel; the great I AM that I AM. I called you from birth, from conception. I knit you together for a purpose beyond your comprehension to be fulfilled in the here and now". (Psalms 139:13-28). Destiny in life is lived moment by moment, day by day.

"No one has greater love than to lay down his own life for his friends". (John 15:13)

In order for a man to understand his wife - he first must be able to understand his reasons for giving his vows to her in front of God for one - and just how deep is his love for her for another. Your main reason for marriage unto your wife should had been for love only. But marriages today is based upon lust and passion. And if those are your reasons then let me tell you - you better have other options because once the lust and passion had worn off - then you are in some big trouble.

To love your your wife unconditionally means exactly that - "UNCONDITIONALLY". To lay your life down for your wife.

There is a paradox in a marriage that is hidden and also forbidden by God... Once you have given your vows to your wife; which is also a commitment to your wife, to God, and even to yourself - you are not ever consider a divorce. Not under any circumstances or for any reason; unless it is adultery. And then - you should look into yourself and ask why she had turned to another man.

A woman by nature will fight for her relationship; especially for her marriage and her husband. The battle she fights literally tears her heart apart. And if you - the husband - is not giving her credit for the fight of keeping your relationship together; then you need to turn to Jesus and ask Him why? And I am sure He will tell you it is because of your pride, and/or ego; or even both.

If you are in the battlefield and fighting for your marriage also; then there are several things you must understand. For one, this will not be an overnight success; especially if your wife had lost her trust in you. And if your marriage is on the verge of a divorce - then be prepared for at lest a 40 day battle to even be looking at reconciliation from your wife. If you had not ever seen the movie "Fireproof" then I suggest that you do so. This movie will give you a great insight of what you are up against. This battle you are fighting will take much patience and prayers. And if your heart is in the right relationship with God - then He will help you every step of the way.

One important circumstance you must always be aware of and that is the enemy of your soul (Satan). He is the father of lies and believe me - he will do all he can to destroy your marriage. He will place lies into your thoughts and into your heart if you let him. Always be aware of what Satan is doing in the attempt to destroy you, your wife, and even your children. Do not believe anything negative about your wife while you are in battle to save your marriage - and once your marriage is saved - then never again believe the lies that Satan will attempt to place into your heart.

The 10 Commandments below will give you the leverage you need to save your marriage; and forever keep your marriage and relationship with your wife healthy and alive:

Thou shall not take thy wife for granted, but will honor and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7)

Husband, are you treating your wife as an equal and granting her your highest honor? If not; God says he will not answer your prayers! Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! Proverbs says, "An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain." Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife's judgments and realize how fortunate he is to have her.

Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24)

How often does the husband honor his blood family over his own wife? Such is a recipe for disaster! In-law problems are often the result of a husband who allows his mother and father to interfere in his relationship with his wife.

Thou shall frequently tell thy wife how important and valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11)

God gave women the authority to make important decisions too:

They are workers in and managers of the home:
(Greek: oijkodespotevw "to rule/manage the house")
(Greek: oikodespotes literally, "house ruler")
A wife's judgment can be better than her husbands: 1 Sam 25:3,17,25,32

Sleepless in Seattle (movie) Radio commentator asks man who was missing his dead wife, "Tell me about your wife". "How many hours do you have?" Immediately 3000 single women jammed the radio station switchboard trying to get his number for a date! Why? Because he was sincerely praising his wife! Why did they want to date a complete stranger? Because the one thing they knew was that this man possessed the rare quality of praising his female companion. If he did it for his former wife - he would do it for them! "Brevity may be the soul of wit, but not when someone's saying "I love you.,' When someone's saying "I love you," he always ought to give a lot of details: Why does he love you? How much does he love you? When and where did he first begin to love you? Favorable comparisons with all other women he ever loved are also welcome. And even though he insists it would take forever to count the ways in which he loves you, let him start counting."

Thou shall hold thy wife's love by the same means that thou won it. (SOS 5:10-16)

Men pursue their future bride with doting ceaseless attention. Once married the husband views marriage as a goal accomplished an on to other of life's challenges. He then gives his ceaseless doting attention to the job, the boys or anything but his wife. She on the other hand viewed marriage not as a goal met, but as the beginning of a relationship. She viewed his doting attention as a down payment of attentions to come. He viewed it as a means to merely get her to say "I DO".

This guy really WON the love of his future wife. He looked good because he groomed his appearance for her. He smelled good, because he regularly bathed and gargled. And he spoke words of "sweetness" to his love. But give many husbands a few years of marriage and they let their appearance and hygiene slip. But worst of all the sweetness towards their wife is gone. The wife proclaims to her friends, "Did he ever change after we said 'I do'!" Guys, if you want the nights to be hot, you best start warming up your wife in the day with words of kindness. Buy your wife flowers on a regular basis.

Thou shall actively establish family discipline with thy wife's help. (2 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

Few would argue that the wife is the primary parent involved in the daily task of interacting with the children. But God has placed the father as the head of the household and that means that you must work hard along side of your wife in establishing family discipline. Many fathers leave the majority of the work of raising the kids up to the wife. In child custody cases, the mother almost always get control of the kids, not because she is a better parent, but because she is the one who has been most involved with them. God commands fathers in Ephesians 6:4 "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." You must be directly involved with your children. And then be careful not to "provoke" them to anger, because you have not really taken the time to understand exactly what happened and why. Some fathers alienate their children because they hastily dish out too harsh a punishment because they want to get back to their TV show or reading the paper. To these husbands, children are an interruption imposed upon him by the wife. Sad indeed.

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22:6



A little girl's bright shining eyes with face aglow,
Says: "Daddy, It's time for church-Let's Go!
They teach us there of Jesus' love, of how he died for all,
Upon the cruel cross to save those who on Him will call."

"Oh, no," said Daddy, "Not today. I've worked hard all week,
And I must have one day of rest; and I'm going to the creek.
For there I can relax and rest; and fishing is fine they say.
So run along; don't bother me, we'll go to church some day."

Well months and years have passed away,
but Daddy hears that plea no more;
"Let's go to Bible school." Those childhood days are over.
And Daddy's grown old, life's almost through,
He finds time to go to church, but what does daughter do?

She says: "Oh Daddy, not today-I stayed up half the night;
I know you know that church can understand my plight!"

Then Daddy lifts a trembling hand to brush away the tears,
As again he hears the pleading voice, distinctly through the years.
He sees a small girl's shining face upturned, with eyes aglow,
As she says, "It's time for Bible school; please, Daddy, won't you go?"

Thou shall remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37)

Jesus instructs all Christians, "let your statement be, 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no' and anything beyond these is of evil." Mt 5:37. Husbands, when you say you will do something for your wife, have the consideration to do it! Why should she justifiably nag you? Your wife shouldn't have to get you to sign some binding oath to get you to make the bed, take out the garbage or take her out to dinner as you agreed. By doing what you say you will, you earn her trust in other areas. Ever wonder why your wife reacts is a funny way?

Negative Reactions:

When the wife feels insecure - The husband is not being a spiritual leader.

When the wife takes matters into her own hands and assumes the leadership role - The husband has allowed problems to continue and even get worse.

When the children rebel, the wife blames her husband. - The husband has not supported his wife in disciplining the children.

When the wife becomes resentful of financial pressures - The husband has been spending extra money on things he enjoys.

When the wife feels inferior and jealous - The husband praises or admires other women.

When the wife feels unable to totally give herself (body, soul and spirit) to her husband - The husband only verbalizes his love when he wants a physical relationship.

When the wife feels frustration from not knowing how to please her husband - The husband doesn't praise her for specific things.

When the wife turns to others who will listen to her true feelings - The husband doesn't make the time to listen to his wife.

When the wife feels unprotected - The husband has not been alert to the dangers which his wife faces.

When the wife feels inadequate in trying to meet her husband's physical needs - The husband has been lusting after other women.

When a wife mentally gives up and loses all hope - The husband is prideful, never in the wrong, loses his temper to stay in control and never asks for forgiveness.

Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8)

Proverbs says it this way, "Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well... Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love." Prov 5:15-20 The ultimate sacrifice that a woman makes in child bearing is her figure. And the media is filled with 17 year old models who are not yet graduated high school and never done a hard days work in their life! Job was wise when he said, "I Have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?"

Job 31:1 But we find that for many, the words of Jeremiah apply, "They were well-fed lusty horses, Each one neighing after his neighbor's wife." Jer 5:8


Thou shall make every effort to see things from thy wife's point of view. (Gen 21:12)

Abraham is a man whose wife actually called him "lord". Sarah had an insight on a personal family matter and Abraham felt that she was wrong. "But God said to Abraham, "Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her" Gen 21:12. Did you catch that? God told Abraham to obey his wife! He had not taken the time to see things from her point of view. Husbands and wives often live and think in different worlds. A wise husband will "listen" to his wife before God steps in and forces him to. Foolish husbands are arrogant "power-trippers" who know it all, refuse to listen to their wife and fall flat on their face.

"Live with her in an understanding way since she is a woman" 1 Pe 3:7

Best thing for man is to think as woman and then "maybe" - you can understand her heart; and only if your heart is in the right place, will the big picture become focus.

Thou shall not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (SOS 8:1)

Do you know why the "kiss and ride" commuter drop off area's are so popular? Just ask the wives who drop off their husbands for work. A recent TV program documented that the wives loved it. Here they had a "legitimate" reason to expect a kiss from their husband. Husband, when you leave the house for work, give her a kiss. When you come home, tell her you love her and give her another kiss. Here, in the Song of Solomon, a future wife speaks of her love and desire for a kiss. "If I found you outdoors, I would kiss you; No one would despise me, either." Sos 8:1

Thou shall not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money. (Esther 5:3)

King Ahasuerus was married to Queen Esther. Look how generous he was with his wife! He said to her, "What is troubling you, Queen Esther? And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom it will be given to you." (Esther 5:3)

Now in modern marriage law, many might wonder why this man is being praised for giving his wife the half that already belonged to her. However, back then this was an incredible offer of generosity! How many wives have to grovel and beg for a few dollars while he lavishly spends on himself?

God's Love From Genesis Through The Revelation.

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
(John 8:41-44)

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.
(1 John 4:16)

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
(1 John 3:1)

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.
(1 John 3:1)

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
(Matthew 7:11)

For I am the perfect father.
(Matthew 5:48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
(James 1:17)

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
(Matthew 6:31-33)

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
(Jeremiah 29:11)

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
(Jeremiah 31:3)

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.
(Psalms 139:17-18)

And I rejoice over you with singing.
(Zephaniah 3:17)

I will never stop doing good to you.
(Jeremiah 32:40)

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