Marriage is a sacred union between husband and wife, which is meant to last for a life time. However, today marriages end as quickly as they begin, and partners move on, leaving a trail of hurt and brokenness behind.

God does not intend for spouses to separate, except through death, as is clearly stated in the marriage vows repeated on a couple's wedding day. These vows are not to be taken lightly, and couples should do all in their power to try to salvage their marriage.

A marriage is never beyond repair. No matter what has happened to your marriage, there is hope! God desires to heal your marriage. He is the one who created the institution of marriage in the first place, and He is willing and able to help you save your marriage. You must however be prepared to put in some effort.

Marriages do not fail because the couple falls out of love. God is love and He lives within you every day of your life. There is no such thing as falling out of love. If you truly love someone, you will always love them. If you are convinced that you no longer love your wife, then my response is that you never loved her in the first place. You were probably infatuated, swept off your feet by romance, dazzled by thoughts of happiness, but never really knowing your wife well enough to love her.

Love endures all, and it never fails. (1 Corinthians 13) No matter what the situation, marriage must bear it and emerge triumphant. You and your wife are going through some extremely difficult times together right now. Your marriage is being tested from all angles. You both are more than likely going through EXTREME financial difficulties, to the desperate point of having absolutely no money in hand or in the bank, and only being able to wait for a blessing from God. There were times when you feel the trial are too hard to bear, and you feel like giving up, but you keep on. And I tell you now; it is definitely worth it not to give up on your marriage, and I promise you that it will be worth it not to give up on your wife.

I will reiterate that marriages do not fail because couples fall out of love. Here are some reason for failure.

Marriages can fail because of:
  • Poor communication skills
  • Lack of commitment
  • Failure to nurture love in its various forms
  • Lack of spiritual unity or direction
  • Lack of ability to cope with the changes in life
  • Inability to deal with skeletons of the past
  • Taking your wife for granted
  • Lack of interest in what your wife is involved in
  • Workaholics
  • No time for each other after the children arrive
  • Feeling you have nothing in common with each other
  • Different paths as far as christian beliefs
  • Not eating meals together
  • Not sleeping together
  • Not traveling together for unannounced trips just to get away and be alone with each other
  • Living only for the children whether they are small or adults
  • Not agreeing to disagree
  • Not having similar interests
  • Disagreeing over finances
  • Not spending at minimum of one complete hour per week with your wife.
  • Not able to lay in each other arms and talk of individual dreams
  • Not kissing or touching your wife (non-sexual)
  • Not having the ability to seize the moment for a heart to heart talk
  • Thinking your wife is always wrong
  • Having a feeling that your wife is the enemy
Saving a failing marriage takes a lot of courage, determination, perseverance, and patience. Of course, you don't have to forget that you should include the love that was once the reason why you two were brought into that marriage in the first place. Getting into marital harmony is the best way to let marriage work.

But how can you get the formula to stay into that so-called marital harmony? Getting that marital harmony may be said easier than done, but you can achieve it because the ways to stay into one are no secret things at all. In fact, the things that you must remember are straightforward and honest scenes that go into the daily life with your wife.

So, what are these things you must remember to help keep harmony and avoid marriage from becoming into total disaster and ending up in divorce? Here are some things to avoid coming into point of seeking help to save your marriage:

1. When there are issues coming up, put yourself in your wife's shoes and try to be more empathetic towards her. This is the best way to understand how she is feeling and where she is coming from. You can ask what she feels about the situation. Listen to every word she is saying and try as hard as possible to clarify everything.

2. Stop blaming your wife when a problem arises. She is not your enemy! Remember that marriage is two-way relationship so whatever quality the relationship has is the result of the contributions you both have made. Before you focus on the faults of your wife, make sure you have reviewed what possible things you may have contributed to the problem. Avoiding to blame your wife will avoid planting more seeds to an already hurt relationship.

3. Working with your own issues, both coming from the present and past, is a good way to avoid getting more conflicts and resentments when your wife has accidentally said something that triggers emotional wounds to get disrespected. The need to reconcile with your own issues is vital especially when your wife is prone to committing mistakes that otherwise would elicit intense reactions from you. Getting individual counseling services is what you need if you want to keep those intense reactions checked.

4. Make it a habit to say thank you more often than complaining. It is the best way to keep positive side empowering negative issues. Giving compliments and praises in a frequent manner will let each other enrich the quality of marriage you have. In the same manner, apologizing when mistakes are done is a good way to solve matter fast. No matter how small or big, make it a habit to apologize as it instantly fix things up. It is not unavoidable for both of you to commit mistakes, but the thing is acknowledging them is an easy and mature way to start talking about them.

5. Show your love to your wife by making everyday life easier. Amidst the busy hours of doing small and big things and keeping the household in order, pamper your wife. Take some time to help her, or offer her to relax - doing these small things will let your wife feel that she is being cared for.

6. Bond together by looking for some activities, interests, activities, and hobbies that both of you will enjoy doing - doing this in a regular basis will help keep you busy with each other. They can even be used during the rocky stage of the relationship. Taking some time off and releasing tensions and anger by keeping yourself in an activity you both loved will pave a way to reconciliation rather than to worsened conditions.

Nurture Love Or It Will Die:

In spite of the title, i believe that true love never dies. What really happens is that if it is not nurtured, it may remain stagnant, or even wither.

Once we receive the wonderful gift of love, many people hardly make an effort to keep love blossoming and growing in their relationship. As i have said before, a happy successful marriage does not just happen, it must be worked at.

What you understand that there are different forms of love which are experienced in different stages of married life.

Romantic Love:

Romantic love is what we experience during the dating/courtship period, and at the early stages of marriage. You know exactly what I'm talking about ... this was the time when you couldn't get enough of your wife, and vice versa. It was all about roses, fancy dinners, long walks together - and total romance, but as the realities of life kick into marriage, the romance seems to disintegrate. The stress of work, children, running a home, personal struggles, seem to preoccupy marriage, and romance becomes a distant memory.

In spite of this, romantic love is an essential part of marriage which must be consciously nurtured. A relationship without romance in some form can be particularly unsatisfying for a woman. Men should therefore invest the time and effort to rekindle romance in their marriage. This will be a conscious act, rather than the overwhelming desire felt in the early stages. Romance can be rekindled by planning special gestures that remind your wife, even yourself, of romantic feelings. For example, if you enjoyed walks on the beach while you were dating, plan and schedule time alone for an occasional romantic walk; if your wife loves flowers, surprise her; plan a romantic dinner with candles, and roses - anything that brings back old romantic feelings. The important thing to remember is that romance may not be spontaneous for couples who have been married for some years, but it must be planned and scheduled, and can be just as enjoyable as the early days.

Intimate Love:

This is the type of love which is best described as a deep connection between the spouses, where they feel pleasure, comfort, security, and joy in each other's presence. This type of love is experienced in the everyday simple experiences of life, such as raising children together, and just spending time together in everyday activity. This type of love grows stronger with time, and is more substantial and lasting than romantic love.

Committed Love:

This type of love is an act of will. It is making a conscious decision, that whatever happens you will stick with your marriage and see it through. This is what many marriages are lacking today, and hence the reason why so many of them fail.

It is important to be committed that even if it feels like the romance, and "loving feelings", aren't present, you will keep working on your marriage. As stated previously, romance, and loving feelings can be created and nurtured, but commitment is what determines whether your marriage will succeed or fail.

The truth is that there must be more than candles and roses, a marriage must have deep commitment by both parties to ensuring the well-being of the marriage, and the well-being of the marriage partner. If committed love supersedes the other forms of love, a marriage has a greater chance of success.


This affirmation will make you strong and take you along ways if you recite it daily and believe in it ... Memorize it and keep it healthy within your heart:

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE! ... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over until that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words ... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad ... so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down until the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous ... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit ... I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my wife, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up until my marriage is healed.

God Bless - and may He keep you and your family safely under His wings. -
The Dove Alliance