IS YOUR MARRIAGE FILLED WITH
"Compromise ... Or Sacrifice?"


What is the difference between compromising and sacrificing? That is a question that married couples need to explore if they wish to have a long, happy marriage. By definition, compromising means to give up one thing in exchange for concession of something from the other side. Sacrifice, on the other hand, is to completely let go of something considered valuable to an individual, in the name of duty. While both can be noble, and certainly necessary, many marriages are teetering over the imbalance in the two.

Compromise seems like a fairly common word, but when it comes to marriage and relationships the definition of the word is often vague. People say that to make a relationship work both parties must compromise. Okay, sounds easy, but how do you truly define the word compromise when the people compromising may be compromising anything from an amount of money spent to their own personal values. I thought and thought and finally determined that the best way to measure compromise as it pertains to relationships was to define each component of the actual word.

C = Communication: The key to successfully compromising and arriving at a mutually agreed upon and mutually satisfying conclusion is to communicate. What one person thinks is a big gesture, the other may not...so talk it out. If your wife does not like helping with the yard work then talk about it and explain that you want to complete an hour of cleaning the yard on a Tuesday so that you have all of Saturday to be together relaxing and enjoying one another's company. Maybe the compromise of both of you cleaning for a half hour ends in both of you enjoying the time saved by sharing the task that neither wanted to do. Plus a little time helping out with not so fun chores can reduce the amount of time spent doing them if one were to go it alone, which in the end results in more time together! This also includes helping her with what needs to be done in her house work. Work together so you both can have Saturday together and enjoy one another.

O = Open minded: Be sure that you are being open minded and inform your wide that you respect her views and explain that her ability to look at things from your perspective will help you both to understand each others compromises.

M = Main Focus: Always keep the relationship as the main focus and weigh out the issue requiring compromise, because if the compromise one party is looking for may actually compromise the relationship, it may not be worthwhile and sometimes giving in and accepting is the greatest compromise.

P = Promise: Promise to one another that no matter what, you each come first in each others life and you each must make some compromises to maintain a healthy relationship, but neither person should ever feel that they have compromised too much!

R = Respect: No matter what the issue is, one must always respect their partner. If your wide is asking you to compromise, look for the deeper meaning. If your wife states that she want you to come home one hour earlier than you normally would from a recreational activity, it probably isn't because she just don't want you to have fun. Maybe she just need some extra attention or have something on her mind...think deeper...and don't forget that communication is key.

O = Optimistic: Keep a positive mind. This happy thoughts and happiness should follow right behind. Everyone has bumps in the road, but if you remember to smell the roses and keep close at heart and in mind the happy memories and the way you fell in love and found each other in this world, it may just jumpstart that spark, when it feels like it is being rained on underneath dark clouds.

M = Magic: If your life is full of compromise with each other, work, kids, etc... the magic of your relationship may begin to disappear. Just like magic, do something shocking, surprising, out of the norm, to peak each other's interest. Not only will this rekindle the magic, but you will know that even when life becomes routine, there may be a rabbit popping out of a hat just around the corner.

I = I is not in team: I is a letter that is not in team and a relationship is a team. You must work together and sometimes there is give and take, but you are working as a team towards one common goal, which is the success and longevity of the relationship, When times are great, you enjoy them together, so when times are tough, you must fight through them together. Every bit of extra you give, you will get back in some way or another.

S = Sharing: Share everything. Nothing is man's work or woman's work, but if you have two things to do and one is lift a 100 pound greasy box up two flights of stairs and the other is washing a sink full of dishes, share the tasks at hand however makes you both happy. Some couples would both carry the heavy box and then one would wash the dishes, while the other dry's. Some couples would split up and have one of them carry the box and the other do the dishes. Whatever is fair to both of you that you are both happy with is the correct way to share.

E = Evolve: As love grows and relationships grow, change is unavoidable and neither is compromise. Two people living life together side by side must give and take from one another as situations, emotions, needs, and wants change. As the relationship evolves, make sure that you are able to meet in the middle all along the way.




If you take the components of C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E you would then have the definition of the word:

- SACRIFICE -


God Bless - and may He keep you and your family safely under His wings. -
The Dove Alliance