"Serving God's Word On Saving Your Marriage"

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God is ever present with you, no matter what you may be experiencing or feeling. He is present in all your trouble (Psalms 46:1). He is not bound by your emotions or situations. He is your ever adoring and loving Father who delights in you every moment of your life (1 John 3:1). He particularly enjoy your times of quiet rest. Your times of respite are very precious to Him and enables Him to speak in ways He otherwise could not.

"Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." (Hebrews 12:15)

I believe one of the saddest things in a marriage is that man is irresponsible in getting a real grip unto his wife's heart. Women are wired entirely different from man and God made it that way for a good reason. It is through a woman's heart that discernment is greater than man's. She knows when there is something wrong when man cannot even begin to see any problems in a marriage. Man's pride and ego will not allow him to see problems because he is Mr. Macho; and he has no faults according to his own standards.

Man has no tolerance of being wrong and mostly because of his own insecurities; And yes - you do have insecurities - especially in your relationship with your wife. Women are more domineering in a relationship because she has the capacity to discern all problems within a marriage; problems with your children; and even problems within yourself - and though you will not admit it - it is true.

One major characteristic of a failed marriage is control. The one who is controlling has to be right. They have no tolerance for being wrong and will rarely, if ever, admit to wrongdoing. This is known as a Jezebel spirit.

This spirit is deadly and a killer in a marriage or any relationship. And what is sad - most people living with this spirit does not realize they possess it. So I suggest very strongly that you and your wife sit down together and read what I have written In regards of a Jezebel spirit before moving on with the bitter-roots. This spirit may not be responsible for your marriage failing but, it can be a source of understanding in how this deadly spirit could be a root in the failure.



In the books of Psalms and Proverbs readers are introduced to a pathetic character, the fool. Fools are not necessarily uneducated. Nor are fools merely "silly," that is playful and funny. Fools are individuals who deny the existence of God. (Psalm 14:1). Or presumes God will not judge them-the fear of the Lord is absent-opening the door to their own destruction. Fools are stubborn; arrogant; and shortsighted. (Proverbs 19:3; 26:11; 28:26). Folly is dangerous; it ends with God's judgment (Psalm 53).

There is a tendency in everyone to play the part of the fool. Consider these aspects of foolishness and see if any applies to you. Do you interrupt people in conversation (Proverbs 18:2, 13)? Do you ignore anger (Proverbs 14:16; 29:11)? Do you still find pleasure in wrongdoing (Proverbs 10:23)? If so - then they are part of your bitter roots.

The bitter roots in your life are a stronghold that must be dealt with and destroyed. Even if you were to restore your marriage through your wife's forgiveness - if the bitter roots in your life are still within your heart - then eventually you will totally destroy your wife and your marriage; this is without doubt.

The law applies not only to our conscious actions, known and performed outwardly, but also to what is lodged in our heart, repressed, unknown and unexpressed. Once formed, judgments must bring results. Bitter roots, not brought to the cross, must defile. Bitter roots are perhaps the most powerful negative forces in our lives, bringing destruction not only to us but also to those around us.

See to it that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled. (Hebrews 12:15)

This scripture reveals the depth and power of bitter root judgments - the driving force behind the recurring patterns of trouble and/or destruction in our lives. The power of bitter roots comes from the unchangeable laws of God, which cause us to reap in kind what we have sown. Bitter root judgments are far more powerful than bitter root expectancies. Judgments operate by God's Laws; whereas repeated incidents form patterns of expectancy which operate only on the psychological level. But judgments and expectancies both rob us of the abundant life Jesus came to give us.

The root of a tree gives life:

In a tree or plant, a root is an underground, hidden structure, which is a conduit for nourishment. For us "roots" are habitual ways we drink nurture from God, others, nature and ourselves. Our roots also lie beneath the surface, usually hidden to the adult mind and to the heart. If we have bitter roots, we drink harm to our selves.

What are bitter roots, or bitter root judgments?
  • They are our sinful reactions to circumstances that occur in our lives.
  • They are condemning judgments of other people.
  • They are the inability or refusal to forgive someone.
  • They are the operations of the unchangeable Laws of God, which cause us to reap in kind what we have sown.
Bitter roots are not:

Hurtful or terrible things that happen to us, nor are they the sins of those who have wronged us. They are our sinful responses to those things that have happened to us, planted deeply within us due to our refusal or inability to forgive.

Bitter roots infect the mind with expectancies:

Bitter root expectancy is a psychological practice in our lives. It is a habit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, by which we "push" people to fulfill our picture of the way things will go.
  • "Women will always be controlling."
  • "Men can't be depended upon."
  • "No one ever listens to me."
The following is an example of bitter root expectancy

A man is brought up by a critical mother, he feeling wounded and rejected, learns to protect his heart by withdrawing from her. His experiences with mother form a picture of "women." When he marries, he fears pain and of vulnerability and consciously (or unconsciously) projects his expectations onto his wife, holding her at a distance. She is lonely and appeals to him to share with her. He interprets this as criticism (whether it is or not), and pulls farther away. He criticizes her attempts to break through the walls of his heart.

Judgments and expectancies:

The judgment is the seed planted in childhood and it may be forgotten by the one whom has made the judgment. It is after the child has grown, that the bitter root expectation comes into play. The example of the critical mother and the boy who judged her, there by judging all women that they will all be critical and that the boy will have to protect his heart. He will reap through his wife and other women, what he experienced with his mother.

The origin of bitter root judgments and bitter root expectations normally start with parents:

They can also start with other persons in our youth such as grandparents and teachers. The judgments are the seeds sown and the bitter root expectation is the vehicle that brings the judgments to fruition. Sown in childhood and brought to fruition in our relationships with spouse, authority, society, and even with Father God. We ultimately get what we expect from all of the above. If they are not eager to play, we find a way to push enough buttons to get them to give us what we expect.

Who is responsible and accountable?

WE ARE! God holds us accountable for our sinful reactions to what has taken place in our life. We are guilty but not condemned. Guilt is the friend that brings us to the cross, and thus to healing and transformation.

That bitter root judgments and expectations are so common that they must be checked for as routinely as a doctor checks blood pressure and temperature.

IF THERE IS THE FRUIT, THEN THERE IS A ROOT! (Luke 6:43; Matthew 7:20)

Treatment of "Bitter Roots" ... CLICK HERE for a better understanding of Bitter-Roots.

You must first recognize those roots - I do mean all of them - and how they affected your live and the lives of those around you; especially your wife. You have to choose to repent, by determining to stop patterns by hauling judgments and expectations to the cross of Jesus in prayer.

The prayers must be specific, focused, Spirit-led, prayers of forgiveness (Prayers of death Luke 9: 23, 24). You must speak forgiveness at the age of the judgment. Praying out loud, your forgiveness for mom or dad for judging, resentment, hating. Ask God to forgive you for perpetuating those attitudes in your present relationship with your wife. (John 20: 23)

Now that you understand "Bitter Roots" lets search your heart in finding all the bitter roots of your life.

You have to do an extensive study on your heart. Pull up verses containing the word heart in your Bible; or even Bible software, if you have one. As you began to go through them meditate on them one by one. Ask the Lord to show you anything that is in your heart that was causing problems in your marriage. "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23). What is in our hearts is what flows out into your lives and with others.

I strongly encourage you to examine your heart thoroughly and ask the Lord to show you if there is anything that needs to be uprooted. The root of bitterness will destroy a marriage. You could very well be taking all your past hurt out on your wife. You could be judging her by what others had done to you. It could be every time she would do something that would hurt your feelings or just be human and maybe not be as sensitive as she could be. But to you it felt like she had just stabbed you with a butcher knife. In all actuality, she was just being a human being who makes mistakes. But because of the bitter root that is still within your heart it seemed like a mountain instead of the mole hill it really is. Gentlemen, examine your hearts and let the Lord uproot any bitterness towards women. I am speaking this to men but, of course, women can have bitterness towards man as well. So let the Lord do the surgery on your heart. He is the Great Physician, you know. He never misdiagnosis and His surgeries are always a 100% success. We just have to be willing to allow Him to do it.

God's Love From Genesis Through The Revelation.

Insert here I have come to you today to open some more layers of truth and dismantle any overshadowing from the enemy through lies, wrong self-perception, pride or fear. I have come to give you life abundant this moment. Before you receive keep this in mind, Rome wasn't built in a day. They didn't quit building because it couldn't be done in a day. Don't think about how you have done this before and haven't seen the change or fulfillment you long for. Why not try a whole new way looking at things? Why not just assume (to do so would be the 100% correct thing to do) a good thing will take place - assume help has come and progress is made whether you see it immediately or not?

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