You are free to
explore without the fear of condemnation for you are hidden in
God (Romans 8:1). Come be a pioneer and discover lands as the
unmoving Rock of God's heart takes you on a journey; yet,
keeps you safe and secure in His immovable love. After all, you
are already perfect in God.
"SEEING YOUR SPOUSE AS YOUR FRIEND" (JOHN
do you see your wife? Do you see your wife through the glasses of
roles, rules, responsibilities, roommates, or through the lenses
of a relationship?
John 15 records Jesus' last words regarding His relationship
with His disciples - as His friends. And men should be using
Jesus' relationship with His disciples as a model for your
relationship with your wife. Marriage is to mirror Christ's
relationship to the church (Eph. 5).
From these verses we learn that before you can see others,
especially your wife as a friend, you must first of all see God
as your Friend. You then must see yourself as God sees you - as
His friend. Thirdly, you then see your wife as your friend on a
journey together. Here's the deal: You are to be a friend to
your wife after Jesus' example. What facets of friendship
does Jesus model here for your marriage? We will see in
scriptures the life and ministry of Jesus with different people
illustrating each facet of marital friendship that is stated here
in John 15.
As Jesus listened to the woman at the well in John 4, you are to
listen to your wife. Jesus listened to her tell her story so that
she could get to the place to receive His claim to deity.
Communication is to the marriage what blood is to the body. Do
you have a place and time where you discuss things with your
wife? No one likes their words to be ignored. Be sure you are
hearing what your wife is saying beneath those words.
Communication should grow from communicating facts, which is what
we know, to communicating ideas, which is what we think, to
communicating feelings, which is how we feel. Do you communicate
your dreams, frustrations, disappointments, fears and weaknesses?
As men we should overcome the two male drivers of "be
perfect" and "be strong." Your openness says,
"I trust you not to think less of me because of what I
share." Love accepts, understands, and covers a multitude of
sins. Openness says, "I too need to sense your openness with
me" as opposed to you possessing a closed spirit. How open
are you with your mate as seen in your communication - (l). being
closed or (2). being open? Being a good listener at home is the
first step to being a friend to your wife.
How did Jesus express His love to His beloved disciples? He
washed their feet. Love is seen in service. Jesus washed the
disciple's feet and commanded them to wash one another's
The secret to a successful marriage is love (Jn. 3:16; I Jn.
3:16; Pr. 17:17). Love is expressed in serving. Love joyfully
says, "How may I serve you?" Love joyfully says:
"I'm going to concentrate on giving to you, not taking
from you." Love joyfully says, "I'm going to focus
on meeting your needs." Love joyfully says, "You're
happiness is more important than my own." Love joyfully
says, "I am going to leave the past behind us." Love
joyfully says, "I will serve you." What are you
sacrificing for your spouse? What money, time, thoughts, schedule
adjustments are you making for your spouse as your friend? For
your spouse to be your friend it must involve sacrificial service
Ask yourself: Is your marriage in a compromise or sacrificial
state of being? Click HERE to learn
A special bonding also takes place when marital partners do
something together - like going on a mission trip, planting a
garden, involved in recreation together, teaching a Bible study
together, making a visit together, refinishing furniture, or even
building a house. A healthy neediness says: "I enjoy
spending time with you." A healthy neediness says: "I
am not complete without you." What activities do you do
together? Every friendship, especially a friendship characterized
by intimacy, involves joint accomplishment.
The goal is to ensure your wife is less alone in your
relationship as friends. Why do women leave men? The number one
reason is neglect or indifference that usually leads to anger and
mental cruelty even more so than physical abuse, alcoholism and
unfaithfulness. They leave because they do not feel valued or
loved. One young person said to me once, "The greatest gift
my father could give me is to love my mother."
Jesus showed His love by giving up His life for them. A friend is
someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway. A friend is
someone who never gets in the way unless you are on the way down.
I Corinthians 13 (TLB) says, "If you love someone you will
be loyal to them no matter what the cost. You will always believe
in him, always expect the best of him and always stand your
ground in defending him."
Jesus loved His friends until the end (Jn. 13:1). Friends are
loyal even if it means you wind up on a cross yourself. And this
is known as "Divine
Love". By the way; marriage is the greatest
tool God uses to bring us to the end of ourselves or death to
self if you please.
Once you have accomplished a true and spiritual friendship with
your wife - you then can take her hand and she will follow you
through the "Narrow Gateway".
Matt 7: 13-14.... Entering The Narrow Gateway.
Within the Divine Pattern of Marriage lie the secrets to
overcoming men own divided nature - such as, both the division
within himself with respect to his soul and spiritual natures,
and ultimately man's division with God. Jesus taught that the
Kingdom will never come upon the earth so as to be seen, because
it is within you (Luke 17:20-21). Thus, the problem and great
dilemma! In order to enter this inner Kingdom, man must re-merge
his own divided masculine and feminine natures as portrayed in
the biblical account of Adam and Eve -- re-enter Eden through the
purification of the body/mind and eat the fruit of the Tree of
Life - and then use this Sacred Knowledge to open the inner door
to the Kingdom as in the words of Jesus when he said:
"Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and
spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and
many are those who entering through it. But the gate is narrow
and the way is straightened and compressed that leads away to
life, and there are few who find it". (Matt 7:13
This inner gate to the Kingdom can only be entered by the most
faithful disciples of the Light - such as, those who desire Truth
over manmade doctrines and traditions -- AND - the secrets to
overcoming our divided nature is learned when husband and wife
immerses themselves in the Pattern of Divine Marriage where the
two become "One Flesh". In a world where men rarely
listen to women except when they desire sex -- or perceive the
innate wisdom of the feminine mind â€“ had made
this commandment to enter the "narrow gate" -
The true nature and depth of the feminine mind is largely an
unexplored realm of vast substance and opportunity. In fact, once
this far reaching reality is truly realized, one must begin to
acknowledge that even men are severely anchored and inhibited by
their own ignorance with respect to the higher purpose and
untapped potential of the female mind. In this respect, woman is
the missing element in man's search for God and the meaning
Subjection is both necessary and relative - such as, men must
also be in subjection to a woman in those areas where she is
polarized positive and the dominant moving force! Once properly
understood, male and female (positive and negatively charged) is
dependent upon which area of the body/mind we are speaking of. In
a very important area the male is actually female in relation to
his wife who is dominant, and if he is not in subjection to her
in this very crucial region of mind/body, then there cannot be
anything which would even resemble a genuine Marriage in the
Spiritual meaning of the word.
The relationship of male, female, marriage and sex possesses a
depth that few men and women are able to even contemplate in
their natural (physical) state of mind. The problem is that in
the paradox of Creation there exists multiple realities that are
equally true, even though they oppose and conflict with what
seems to be other truths. What this means is that men and women
are a paradox unto themselves â€“ Such as, they
live in two different world -- they perceive life from a totally
different perspective -- each can dominate in their own way,
because their strengths are in the area of the others weaknesses
-- they think from opposite spheres of the mind -- though they
use a common language, they often derive opposite meaning -- and
though they are often irresistibly drawn to each other, so long
as they continue to dwell in different worlds, they can never
know themselves or the secrets to life that they possess within
It is a constant battle of the traditional male dominant view and
perception of the female mind/body, including leaders among
men's and woman's groups, is severely limited in its
scope and clarity of vision, because they lack the dimension that
is more easily perceived and detected by the female mind - such
as, her ability to know certain things without the use of
traditional resources -- her dependency upon a reasoning state of
mind that often defies male logic -- her ability to sense other
realities that are parallel to their marriage -- her ability to
sense the cause of certain events that is not apparent to her
male counterpart. So in reality, the male mind cannot make sense
of what his female counterpart attempts to convey to him, so he
tends to ignore and disregard it. The result is that many women
are unable to even express what they intuitively sense to be a
higher reality and truth and then becomes depressed, shut out,
and feel unworthy. They rightly feel they are restrained and even
chained to a male dominated world of ego and pride -- and in many
respects, their feelings are valid.
What does this all mean in relationship with your wife? Well -
lets take a look at it in Jesus' perspective:
THERE ARE ONLY TWO POSSIBLE DIRECTIONS IN LIFE
(1) There Is A Broad Way - The word broad means
"spacious." Jesus says that there is a spacious road
upon which a person can walk. What does He mean by this
"broad road"? The idea that Jesus is trying to convey
is that the broad way is wide open. In other words, anything goes
on the broad way. You can do anything you like, you can carry all
the baggage of your sins, you can live like you want to live, you
can call all the shots and make all the rules! You can be king of
the road on the broad way. When you walk the broad way, you can
be your own person and not have to answer to anyone. You can live
life to the fullest. Go where you will, do what you will and be
what you will. It is your life and you call the shots. It is an
easy way to live, because there is no one to please but yourself!
That is what the broad way is all about!
(2) There Is A Narrow Way - While the Broad way is wide
open and easy, the other way a person can live is called
"narrow". This word refers to a "grape
press". It has the idea of being constricted, it can also
carry the idea of being distressed and difficult. You see, the
narrow way is exactly the opposite of the broad way. On the
narrow way, you cannot take all your sins with you. If you try,
you will find that there isn't enough room for you and them.
When you walk the narrow way, you must choose to give up your
rights. You can no longer do as you please, but you must do those
things that please the Lord. You cannot make the rules, but you
are expected to keep the Lord's rules.
In marriage you are to your wife as Jesus is to His church. The
narrow way - the "Gateway" into paradise. Your wife is
the weaker vessel only in physical strength - but in her nature -
as God created her to be - she is stronger than you, the man, in
the capacitance of her own heart. You cannot, nor will you ever
truly understand your wife unless you have her heart within your
own. If you are not able to feel as your wife does - with
compassion and understanding - then you will lack the ability to
bring any kind of resolution to your marriage. The very first
step is to be totally and completely honest with yourself and see
the errors and mistakes that you are making in your marriage. And
it begins in judging yourself and not your wife.
The greatest thing you can do for your wife at this point of
restoring your marriage is total transparency with honesty. Being
completely open with your feelings and recognizing your sins
against your wife. And bring them forth unto your wife and beg
her to forgive you. If you are able to do this; then you are on
the road of recovery.
Love From Genesis Through The Revelation.
For you are my
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.
And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
For it is I who gave you those desires.
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.
For I am your greatest encourager.
(2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this