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THE DOVE ALLIANCE
"Serving God's Word On Saving Your Marriage"

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You are free to explore without the fear of condemnation for you are hidden in God (Romans 8:1). Come be a pioneer and discover lands as the unmoving Rock of God's heart takes you on a journey; yet, keeps you safe and secure in His immovable love. After all, you are already perfect in God.
MATTHEW 7:13-14

"SEEING YOUR SPOUSE AS YOUR FRIEND" (JOHN 15:9-17)


How do you see your wife? Do you see your wife through the glasses of roles, rules, responsibilities, roommates, or through the lenses of a relationship?

John 15 records Jesus' last words regarding His relationship with His disciples - as His friends. And men should be using Jesus' relationship with His disciples as a model for your relationship with your wife. Marriage is to mirror Christ's relationship to the church (Eph. 5).

From these verses we learn that before you can see others, especially your wife as a friend, you must first of all see God as your Friend. You then must see yourself as God sees you - as His friend. Thirdly, you then see your wife as your friend on a journey together. Here's the deal: You are to be a friend to your wife after Jesus' example. What facets of friendship does Jesus model here for your marriage? We will see in scriptures the life and ministry of Jesus with different people illustrating each facet of marital friendship that is stated here in John 15.

As Jesus listened to the woman at the well in John 4, you are to listen to your wife. Jesus listened to her tell her story so that she could get to the place to receive His claim to deity. Communication is to the marriage what blood is to the body. Do you have a place and time where you discuss things with your wife? No one likes their words to be ignored. Be sure you are hearing what your wife is saying beneath those words. Communication should grow from communicating facts, which is what we know, to communicating ideas, which is what we think, to communicating feelings, which is how we feel. Do you communicate your dreams, frustrations, disappointments, fears and weaknesses? As men we should overcome the two male drivers of "be perfect" and "be strong." Your openness says, "I trust you not to think less of me because of what I share." Love accepts, understands, and covers a multitude of sins. Openness says, "I too need to sense your openness with me" as opposed to you possessing a closed spirit. How open are you with your mate as seen in your communication - (l). being closed or (2). being open? Being a good listener at home is the first step to being a friend to your wife.

How did Jesus express His love to His beloved disciples? He washed their feet. Love is seen in service. Jesus washed the disciple's feet and commanded them to wash one another's feet.

The secret to a successful marriage is love (Jn. 3:16; I Jn. 3:16; Pr. 17:17). Love is expressed in serving. Love joyfully says, "How may I serve you?" Love joyfully says: "I'm going to concentrate on giving to you, not taking from you." Love joyfully says, "I'm going to focus on meeting your needs." Love joyfully says, "You're happiness is more important than my own." Love joyfully says, "I am going to leave the past behind us." Love joyfully says, "I will serve you." What are you sacrificing for your spouse? What money, time, thoughts, schedule adjustments are you making for your spouse as your friend? For your spouse to be your friend it must involve sacrificial service and giving.

Ask yourself: Is your marriage in a compromise or sacrificial state of being? Click HERE to learn more.

A special bonding also takes place when marital partners do something together - like going on a mission trip, planting a garden, involved in recreation together, teaching a Bible study together, making a visit together, refinishing furniture, or even building a house. A healthy neediness says: "I enjoy spending time with you." A healthy neediness says: "I am not complete without you." What activities do you do together? Every friendship, especially a friendship characterized by intimacy, involves joint accomplishment.

The goal is to ensure your wife is less alone in your relationship as friends. Why do women leave men? The number one reason is neglect or indifference that usually leads to anger and mental cruelty even more so than physical abuse, alcoholism and unfaithfulness. They leave because they do not feel valued or loved. One young person said to me once, "The greatest gift my father could give me is to love my mother."

Jesus showed His love by giving up His life for them. A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway. A friend is someone who never gets in the way unless you are on the way down. I Corinthians 13 (TLB) says, "If you love someone you will be loyal to them no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him and always stand your ground in defending him."

Jesus loved His friends until the end (Jn. 13:1). Friends are loyal even if it means you wind up on a cross yourself. And this is known as "Divine Love". By the way; marriage is the greatest tool God uses to bring us to the end of ourselves or death to self if you please.

Once you have accomplished a true and spiritual friendship with your wife - you then can take her hand and she will follow you through the "Narrow Gateway".

Matt 7: 13-14.... Entering The Narrow Gateway.

Within the Divine Pattern of Marriage lie the secrets to overcoming men own divided nature - such as, both the division within himself with respect to his soul and spiritual natures, and ultimately man's division with God. Jesus taught that the Kingdom will never come upon the earth so as to be seen, because it is within you (Luke 17:20-21). Thus, the problem and great dilemma! In order to enter this inner Kingdom, man must re-merge his own divided masculine and feminine natures as portrayed in the biblical account of Adam and Eve -- re-enter Eden through the purification of the body/mind and eat the fruit of the Tree of Life - and then use this Sacred Knowledge to open the inner door to the Kingdom as in the words of Jesus when he said:

"Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and many are those who entering through it. But the gate is narrow and the way is straightened and compressed that leads away to life, and there are few who find it". (Matt 7:13 -14).

This inner gate to the Kingdom can only be entered by the most faithful disciples of the Light - such as, those who desire Truth over manmade doctrines and traditions -- AND - the secrets to overcoming our divided nature is learned when husband and wife immerses themselves in the Pattern of Divine Marriage where the two become "One Flesh". In a world where men rarely listen to women except when they desire sex -- or perceive the innate wisdom of the feminine mind – had made this commandment to enter the "narrow gate" - impossible.

The true nature and depth of the feminine mind is largely an unexplored realm of vast substance and opportunity. In fact, once this far reaching reality is truly realized, one must begin to acknowledge that even men are severely anchored and inhibited by their own ignorance with respect to the higher purpose and untapped potential of the female mind. In this respect, woman is the missing element in man's search for God and the meaning of life

Subjection is both necessary and relative - such as, men must also be in subjection to a woman in those areas where she is polarized positive and the dominant moving force! Once properly understood, male and female (positive and negatively charged) is dependent upon which area of the body/mind we are speaking of. In a very important area the male is actually female in relation to his wife who is dominant, and if he is not in subjection to her in this very crucial region of mind/body, then there cannot be anything which would even resemble a genuine Marriage in the Spiritual meaning of the word.

The relationship of male, female, marriage and sex possesses a depth that few men and women are able to even contemplate in their natural (physical) state of mind. The problem is that in the paradox of Creation there exists multiple realities that are equally true, even though they oppose and conflict with what seems to be other truths. What this means is that men and women are a paradox unto themselves – Such as, they live in two different world -- they perceive life from a totally different perspective -- each can dominate in their own way, because their strengths are in the area of the others weaknesses -- they think from opposite spheres of the mind -- though they use a common language, they often derive opposite meaning -- and though they are often irresistibly drawn to each other, so long as they continue to dwell in different worlds, they can never know themselves or the secrets to life that they possess within them.

It is a constant battle of the traditional male dominant view and perception of the female mind/body, including leaders among men's and woman's groups, is severely limited in its scope and clarity of vision, because they lack the dimension that is more easily perceived and detected by the female mind - such as, her ability to know certain things without the use of traditional resources -- her dependency upon a reasoning state of mind that often defies male logic -- her ability to sense other realities that are parallel to their marriage -- her ability to sense the cause of certain events that is not apparent to her male counterpart. So in reality, the male mind cannot make sense of what his female counterpart attempts to convey to him, so he tends to ignore and disregard it. The result is that many women are unable to even express what they intuitively sense to be a higher reality and truth and then becomes depressed, shut out, and feel unworthy. They rightly feel they are restrained and even chained to a male dominated world of ego and pride -- and in many respects, their feelings are valid.

What does this all mean in relationship with your wife? Well - lets take a look at it in Jesus' perspective:

THERE ARE ONLY TWO POSSIBLE DIRECTIONS IN LIFE

(1) There Is A Broad Way - The word broad means "spacious." Jesus says that there is a spacious road upon which a person can walk. What does He mean by this "broad road"? The idea that Jesus is trying to convey is that the broad way is wide open. In other words, anything goes on the broad way. You can do anything you like, you can carry all the baggage of your sins, you can live like you want to live, you can call all the shots and make all the rules! You can be king of the road on the broad way. When you walk the broad way, you can be your own person and not have to answer to anyone. You can live life to the fullest. Go where you will, do what you will and be what you will. It is your life and you call the shots. It is an easy way to live, because there is no one to please but yourself! That is what the broad way is all about!

(2) There Is A Narrow Way - While the Broad way is wide open and easy, the other way a person can live is called "narrow". This word refers to a "grape press". It has the idea of being constricted, it can also carry the idea of being distressed and difficult. You see, the narrow way is exactly the opposite of the broad way. On the narrow way, you cannot take all your sins with you. If you try, you will find that there isn't enough room for you and them. When you walk the narrow way, you must choose to give up your rights. You can no longer do as you please, but you must do those things that please the Lord. You cannot make the rules, but you are expected to keep the Lord's rules.

In marriage you are to your wife as Jesus is to His church. The narrow way - the "Gateway" into paradise. Your wife is the weaker vessel only in physical strength - but in her nature - as God created her to be - she is stronger than you, the man, in the capacitance of her own heart. You cannot, nor will you ever truly understand your wife unless you have her heart within your own. If you are not able to feel as your wife does - with compassion and understanding - then you will lack the ability to bring any kind of resolution to your marriage. The very first step is to be totally and completely honest with yourself and see the errors and mistakes that you are making in your marriage. And it begins in judging yourself and not your wife.

The greatest thing you can do for your wife at this point of restoring your marriage is total transparency with honesty. Being completely open with your feelings and recognizing your sins against your wife. And bring them forth unto your wife and beg her to forgive you. If you are able to do this; then you are on the road of recovery.

 
God's Love From Genesis Through The Revelation.

For you are my treasured possession.
(Exodus 19:5)

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.
(Jeremiah 32:41)

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
(Jeremiah 33:3)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
(Deuteronomy 4:29)

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
(Psalm 37:4)

For it is I who gave you those desires.
(Philippians 2:13)

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.
(Ephesians 3:20)

For I am your greatest encourager.
(2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.
(Psalm 34:18)

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.
(Isaiah 40:11)

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
(Revelation 21:3-4)

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.
(Revelation 21:3-4)


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