- A RELATIONSHIP MUST HAVE VALUE -
"Not only for yourself, but also your marriage and your wife"


In relationships, just as in every other aspect of life, the spirit and attitude with which you do things is at least as important as your actual actions. Embrace and incorporate these powerful values, and you will start living with more integrity, honesty, compassion and enthusiasm. This, in turn, will breathe new life into your marriage.

Own your own relationship:

As a man, by the word of God, you are fully accountable for your relationship with your wife. You can never again believe you're a martyr suffering in your relationship because of an unworthy partner. Only when you stop seeing yourself as a victim will you start to see yourself as a fully competent and potent force in your relationship with your wife.

Accept the risk of vulnerability:

Do not let fear paralyze your life. Wanting, reaching out and letting yourself hope makes you vulnerable. At least by putting yourself on the line, you have the chance of getting what you want, as opposed to hurting with no chance of getting what you want. Not to venture is to lose yourself.

Accept your partner:

If your wife experiences in you the spirit of acceptance, then it is most likely that she will find you approachable. Two partners who are moving toward each other, rather than both trying to seek safety from pain, have a dramatically improved chance of reconciliation.

Focus on friendship:

You have to take a step back from the problems and pain of your intimate interactions, and focus on your wive's positive qualities. Turn back the clock and recall what it was that started the friendship that matured into an intimate relationship.

Promote your partner's self-esteem:

You must bring the spirit of acceptance into affirmative, interactive action. Find the courage and creativity to promote and protect your wife's self-esteem, even when you feel compelled to be critical. By using the value of self-esteem, you provide a much more nurturing atmosphere, one your wife will not want to abandon.

Aim your frustrations in the right direction:

Work at sorting out the causes of your frustration, and resist the impulsive temptation to pick at your wife. Once you start seeing that the negative things you perceive in your wife are often things you see in yourself, you will literally alter the nature of your interactions with your wife.

Be up front and forthright:

Nothing can be more frustrating than what is referred to as an incongruent communication, where an individual says one thing yet indicates something dramatically different with his nonverbal conduct. Strive to express your feelings in a mature and responsible way. By being honest about your emotions, you base your relationship upon integrity rather than lies and deception. And help your wife to do the same.

Make yourself happy instead of right:

Start evaluating the things you do in your relationship based on whether those thoughts, feelings and actions are working. For example, you don't have to prove over and over that you know what you're talking about more than your wife. Instead, choose a different emotion such as tolerance, understanding or compassion that does not escalate hostility in your relationship. By deciding to be happy rather than right, you will be receptive to your wive's attempts to de-escalate hostility and return to civil interactions.

Allow your relationship to transcend turmoil:

Rough times and arguments happen, and one way or another, they are going to impact your marriage. You must vow to no longer use threats as a lever to manipulate and control your wife. By doing so, you are setting a clear limit on the places a spirited discussion with your wife will not go.

Put motion into your emotion:

You must turn the concept of love into a pro-active behavior. Don't be so consumed with negative messages that your expectations are low. You must require yourself and your wife to truly be better.



"Important Values in Marriage"

Marriage is considered as the most sacred institutions of our lives. It is a pillar on which today's society resides and this has been the case since the dawn of human history. Sadly, there is no such thing as perfect marriage. It does have a few (if not many) flaws. But those marriages that do work are based on certain values.

Honesty

Much has been said and written about honesty and it is one of the most important values in a relationship. It is a base on which all other values stand. But does honesty mean that you should simply acknowledge your mistake to your wife? The answer is YES. Not only should you accept your mistake in front of your wife, but you should accept mistake to yourself and admit that you are not perfect. But the road does not end there. There should be a real effort to improve yourself and not commit the same mistake again.

Equality

Every wife feels that her husband does not treat her equally. Most often than not, this is actually what is happening. Most marriages end up in a divorce because men do not think of his wife as an equal. Husbands often think that children are the sole responsibility of the wives. Unless, and until, you don't start thinking of your wife as equal to you in all aspects, you will have problems in your marriage. Sharing every responsibility equally is the foremost commandment of every marriage.

Commitment

This is the most important value in any marriage. When you are committed, ONLY to your WIFE, then only can you call yourselves truly married. And if you are not committed to your wife, then whats the point of your marriage? You are being dishonest, not only to your wife, but also to yourself.



"Important Values in Life"

Even to lead a normal life, with its ups and downs is a challenge. Yet there are certain important values in life that affect our mind set. The following are not only the important values in your marriage, but life in general.

Respect

If you don't respect your wife, then you wouldn't notice her good qualities. Respect is one of the most important values in a healthy relationship in that regard. It is such a value in life, which only increases when you give it to others. You simply cannot expect any one to respect you or your point of view, if you would do the same to them. Respect is, not only one of the most important values in a marriage, but a fundamental truth in any relationship.

Understanding

Understanding is the second most important value in life. To give you a common example, many a times a person knowingly commits a mistake. This could be because he does not have any other choice and has a good reason for committing that mistake. Yet he comes and confesses that mistake. You should try to understand his mistake and the reason for which he committed that mistake. Holding a grudge permanently is only going to cause you anguish and the person in front of you as well. Understanding and letting go is the mantra for having a peaceful mind.

Discipline

Everyone has many duties in life, which they have to shoulder. You have duties towards parents as they brought you up. You have duties towards your siblings as you grew up with them. You have duty towards your employers as they are responsible for your livelihood. The only way to shoulder these responsibilities is to be disciplined in your effort. It is a common notion that being disciplined is to do your work in routine fashion. But it is not so, discipline is following the ideal rules of conduct and duties that I mentioned can only be fulfilled through ones self moral code of conduct.

The values in the above illustration are not only important values in a relationship, but they are important values in society as well. To be successful in any relationship, the above mentioned values need to be adhered and practiced.



God Bless - and may He keep you and your family safely under His wings. -
The Dove Alliance